Yeah, okay. My sister is a little bitch. My mom wants us to go to her baptism. It's a long story but my mom is trying to find God again after my dad's death and I can see why. Plus, it gets her out of the house and doing someting. I've always had my doubts about Him but I just don't know what to believe anymore since I've been told so much different things. My sister flat out just told me that she doesn't believe in God anymore. She was out late last night with her friends in Des Moines and didn't get back until two, three. She said she didn't want to go to my mom's baptism. Yeah, okay. We haven't been to church in like... 10 years or whatever. My mom wants us to be there. My sister picked up smoking. Yeah, she's been smoking off and on for a couple of years but lately, I've been smelling cigarette smoke in her car. Especially yesterday while bringing in the groceries. I thought it was from the outside but it wasn't. I looked in the compartment between the seats and there's a pack of cigarettes. I don't have a problem with people smoking because it's their choice but I get headaches with cigarette smoke. My mom doesn't know about my sister doing this. I don't know but my sister is in her room, crying because she doesn't want to go. I can't get a hold of my mom to tell her what the hell is going on. I want to be there for my mom since it's a big fucking deal to her. She wants us there. We're her family but my sister is all Anti-Religion now so it's like what the fuck! You can't just suck it up, pretend you don't have a hangover and just deal with it for an hour or so?

No wonder I have so much fucking anxiety problems. I always think about things too much and I don't know what to do right now. I want to be there for my mom. I should probably call the church and ask for her but hell if I can remember when their services start. My mom's cell is off because of the whole thing and now my sister is probably going back to sleep. Mom is going to be upset. She doesn't deserve this, not from her own daughter and I can't do anything about it because I'm probably the only 21 year old that's afraid to drive. I can't say that I don't know how to drive because I can. I just didn't get my license on time and I've been in two accidents, one being extremely serious.

I hear noises moving about my sister's room and in the hallway, I'll see what she's doing and I'm going to be so pissed if doesn't go through with this. It's not about my fucking sister today! Hold off on your beliefs about what SHE thinks about God for one fucking day. That's all I ask for. It won't kill her. She's not Damien from the Omen. Get over yourself, Melissa! I just want my mom to be happy!

EDIT much later My sister ended up staying behind. We got in a HUGE argument over religion. You don't have to be religious to see your mother be baptized. We've been through a lot this year. She said she hated God and said it was His reason for all the shit that happened. It's not what God does, in my opinion, it's the decisions you make that makes life possible and she went on saying there's no God. I am confused about religion still but I reassured her about freedom of religion. You're allowed to have opinions on these kinds of things. I even told her to start worshipping shoes, having Chanel as her god or something, making a joke out of it. But yeah, she ended up dropping me off and told me not to tell mom the REAL reason. I didn't.

It was weird being in church again, very confusing to follow since 90% of the verses are a bunch of nonsense to me but Chuck, the pastor, explained it. There's a live band and everything and even a little power point with lyrics and verses on the screen so it was nice to be able to see that. I got to see my favorite teacher, Mr. McCracken, in all his hilarity. Oh man, I really love that teacher. I may have had a weird crush on him when I was in school. He's an older man, kind of chubby but so lovable. There was a few other faces I knew from way back in 2005 but I couldn't name names. My mom had to write her own testimonial on why she's being baptized, having Myra read it outloud for everyone and it made me cry. At first it was about the accident in 2001. I've written about that before and why my family has been so messed up. And once she got to my dad's death, I was sobbing so hard, making those weeping noises. Fuck.. the whole church was silent during this and here I am, bawling my eyes out while my mom was being baptized. It was good to see her do this. I'm glad since finding God again or something like that.

Another weird thing was they talked about how you can let God with your worries and anxiety and if you know me, that's all I've been doing lately. I'm not sure about religion still but I need to learn to relax more. It was like Ruth or something. It was hard to pay attention but my mind kept on wandering off. I don't know but it seemed to have moved faster than I thought it would. I don't know why. Normally church is a major drag. Afterwards, people were saying they were glad to have me and hope they see me again at church. I want to but I'm still confused by half the shit they talked about today. Then my mom and I went to the Windrow (restaraunt) for some lunch. We talked about things, like about the British inviasion and how McFly hasn't toured the US yet and how the fans here are dying out because they're going everywhere else EXCEPT here and other things. I had the worst fish and chips ever. Hahaha, fish and chips. British! It wasn't that great. I like Joe Crab's shack's better but that's what we get for ordering food from a shitty town restaraunt. But yeah. My mom and I had fun chatting away at lunch.